I should have known better.

 I wrote this before 2pm. Before your latest msg. 

by 'punishing' me this way, it also hurts me, not only that we aren't talking, but I will think of why are you treating me this way, what're your plans or your thoughts. Why am I being 'ignored' for so long like so etc. it's not a good situation or a place to be in; in my mind. 

(If it's possible you might know one day)

It might seem okay for you to do this to some ppl or to yourself but with me you sort of have to let me know. (Already let u know long ago abt this is how I am) As this is considered as emotional scarring and abuse.

I let you be who you are I didn't ask u to change but you have to let me know what is it that you're trying to do to me. As it has an effect on me no matter what. 

Yes it was yesterday I got a little annoyed with you then you got annoyed with me can't it just end there and not end up with you emotionally scarring me the day after etc? This isn't the way to mitigate an argument. Don't know how it got like this. 

Do I deserve this? 

You asked me to leave u be only yesterday. You didn't say today as well. 

You don't have to say "I'm not the one who started this" well does it matter now who started it? 

Pls think as a partner here not just for yourself. 

I could say it's you(your fault..), you could say it's me.(my fault...complain too much)

BUT does it matter, when the situation is already like so? 

You want silence? 

It will help only one party. You.

But I thought we are supposed to treat each other like partners like how you wrote in that email? 

If I'm feeling like this by my msgs, by right you should be a *little* bit concerned. Just a little. But? You want to push me away instead? By just asking me to be quiet? 

Isn't this inflicting pain? 

At least ask me to eat & don't over think. (You left me be for quite long in a lousy situation) 

Thought u should know by now how I react. Though u can say the same to me but honestly who suffers more? 

It's usually me. Because I'm younger and I'm not used to this. I don't know how to treat people this way. Or that I can't accept being treated this way. 

And of course;

Yes I don't mind not talking to you sometimes so that you can do your things. Or to give you some quiet time when you need but when we are on good terms. It comes naturally. 

But this now is forced upon. Unnatural circumstances. 

This situation sucks now. 

It's always been how much you prioritize your tasks instead of just saying I'm really busy today and i can't talk to you at all. I just know I'm not your priority so much so that u can't even notify me earlier on before I sent you those msgs and not even replying phone calls

On Thu, Dec 29, 2016 at 18:34 Tai Chian Wern <chianwern@gmail.com> wrote:

Agree to v2.0

On Thu, Dec 29, 2016 at 4:41 PM, Sophia J Maheson 

Dear Chian Wern, 

 

Addendum Part 1. 

Sophia's words in blue.

 

Here are things, which I think we need to Ji work on if we were to continue our relationship (agree):

 

1. Respect for each other and our families'. (AGREE)  

 

a. We need to treat each other as partners (AGREE) and be supportive of each other. (AGREE)

b. No talking bad about our family members. (AGREE)

 

c. No talking disrespectfully to our parents at all times.

 

2. Agree on WAYS to manage arguments and anger 

 

2.1. Pray to take control of OUR anger (emotions in general also)

       Anger is also an emotion. 

a. Know when to back off and stop provoking each other. (AGREE)

 

b. Allow time for each other to cool down. (AGREE)

   (Please specify. This is to my knowledge. 

   Me: Few hours depending on how you treat me.

   You: Cool overnight) 

c. Know how to manage the situation if one has provoked one into anger. 

    Know how to manage ourselves and the poor partner who have seen each others wrath.

    (Don't know how? ask & remember as we both deal with anger very differently) 

d. Know how to make up (not cosmetics) after being angry with each other. 

    (I am a 'partner' after all, not a 'normal friend'/family member/acquaintance) 

    Eg; hugs, pats, caress, show physical care. Please?

 

3. Do not nit pick one another.

 

a. Complain less.

b. Be grateful & thankful for one another. 

c. Self justifications at bay. 

d. Twisty words. [Like a lawyer] 

4. Be opinionated with suggestions and not be closed-minded. 

    The things we do can be creative and suggestive to one another.

a. The virtuosity to hold meaningful conversations.

    Reply questions appropriately. 

    

5. Do not collect ammunition for future fights. 

    Settle things on the spot. 

    

Eg; I am not happy with _____. Please do not repeat, I do not like it. [Be serious]  

[Yes. Okay it is for me to take action.] 

a. No night fights. Try to not go to bed angry. (Both parties) 

We try our best not to fight. 

6. Learn to forgive one another. Not to bring up the same old issues. Forgiveness.

Eg; If you have not forgiven, it is considered as a dark seed that has not been uprooted and 

this could be used by the devil and it would grow into a tree. 

If I am still the 'same' and have not changed. Commit to God. 

a. Do not abandon ship because one has repeated said error. 

    Instead try working around it, helping one another to achieve each others goals. 

7. Do not impose incredulous statements to your partner. 

a. Statements to annihilate relationship because of anger. 

    (Similar to abandon ship & incredulous statements)

 

 

I would suggest the following:

1. Set goals to achieve, personal and as a couple.

 

2. Pray for each other and for the relationship. (AGREE)

 

3. Discuss future plans with one another, 

Eg; your plans may differ from my plans and it is 

not fair that I have to follow your plans only.

Communication is key to a healthy relationship. 

(hope that sound better?) 

 

 

Please let me know if you have any disagreements or anything to add. Likewise.

 

Regards,

Sophia.